[8] Here I Lie,

…realizing that I have what I’ve named Anchors. These things are what keep me here. I can only think of a few Anchors right now, but 4 of them are people. Those that know something about my heart and the shroud of darkness around it. The are a few things that are Anchors. For instance, to the girl I once truly loved… I need to hear her voice one more time before I leave. But I’m honestly too scared to hear the words she would say if I reached to fulfill that.

I hope I get better. I hope I don’t need to hear her voice again. I hope I can heal. But so far, all I want to do is run. And like when you’re sick with an ailment, you tend to stay in bed. If you run, you’re not getting better…

When I sink into the worse than worse times… when the moments of utter darkness consume me, I realize some of the Anchors come loose. They make me float, threatening to let me go. This is why I want more Anchors. So when I fall into those moments, I have a secure footing through it. Thoughts that aren’t dreaming of a world without me. Feelings that don’t involve utter loneliness…

Here I lay, hoping for the best… expecting the worst…

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