[9] Here I lie,

…still holding on.

This immense emotional distress I am under is crushing. So story time: I found her. I found the girl I have, and will always have, a huge crush on. I got the opportunity to see her again after 8 years. And it was the best time I’ve ever had. I found that she actually enjoyed me and even liked me. But, as it happened 8 years ago, her last crush started talking to her again. And before I knew it, I was second place.

She told me I deserved better. I don’t believe her. I had a taste of what my perfection and future looked like. I don’t want anything else. Now we don’t talk. She’s found happiness in the arms of another man.

I pass the street that I’d turn onto to go to her house every single day. Some days I don’t think about it… many days, I glance down it as I pass. I don’t have much of a reason to go that way for anything. She’s the only reason that road means anything to me now.

And now, I find myself on some sort of awkward path to healing and self discovery. I will heal, but I will always let her break my heart. If she ever comes back to me, I will take her hand, if cautiously, and set my fragile heart within her grasp.

I will wait for her. Again. Only this time, I wait until I die.

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